Just Give Me A Reason: My Anthem

Right from the start You were a thief You stole my heart And I your willing victim 
 I let you see the parts of me That weren't all that pretty And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep oh oh Things you never say to me oh oh Tell me that you've had enough Of our love, our love
(Chorus) Just give me a reason Just a little bit's enough Just a second we're not broken just bent And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars It's been written in the scars on our hearts That we're not broken just bent And we can learn to love again
I'm sorry I don't understand Where all of this is coming from I thought that we were fine (Oh we had everything) Your head is running wild again My dear we still have everythin' And it's all in your mind (Yeah but this is happenin')
You've been havin' real bad dreams oh oh You used to lie so close to me oh oh There's nothing more than empty sheets Between our love, our love Oh our love, our love
(Chorus) Just give me a reason Just a little bit's enough  
] Just a second we're not broken just bent And we can learn to love again
I never stopped You're still written in the scars on my heart You're not broken just bent And we can learn to love again
Oh tear ducts and rust I'll fix it for us We're collecting dust But our love's enough
You're holding it in You're pouring a drink No nothing is as bad as it seems We'll come clean
(Chorus)

"Just Give Me A Reason" Pink. Album: The Truth About Love

 

Ever hear a song and wonder how in the world did that artist read my mind and express my exact feelings that only I know about? Can they read minds? Did they read my diary? In all actuality, it's probably just a classic case of irony but nevertheless this particular song hits the nail on the head in terms of my specific situation right now. It's been a while since my last post. A lot has happened. Those star gazer lilies I mentioned last time? Got them. The week of Valentines was absolutely wonderful. Too bad it didn't last. Like I said, the week was amazing but feelings were compromised. I'm at the point of my relationship where the "honeymoon" affect has worn off. The realization that I am dating a real human being (and vice versa) who makes mistakes has officially set in. Throw in the huge dynamic of how you react to problems and if you choose to fix them or ignore them. I'm finding myself and my significant other on opposite ends of the spectrum...and we're working on it. Well...at least I am. No, he is too. He just is the classic "compartmentalizer" of problems and quite frankly that is always something that has driven me nuts about guys in general. I wish I had that ability. I stress, worry, and over analyze. That was pointed out to me. Sort of hurt in the way it happened but oh well. I am extremely extremely aware that I over analyze. I'm a female. What do you honestly expect? But I'm working on it... 

However, it's lead me to really start to doubt and question. I love him. To death. That scares me. I'm not sure what he feels anymore and everything in me says to pull back emotionally. I'm honestly trying to do this and it is driving me nuts. I just hope it doesn't end up driving him away and into the arms of someone else. This is just worry speaking though. Why can't I just compartmentalize my problems? I can't control them nor do I know the outcome. So why stress over something I can't control? Take it one day at a time right? 

So much easier said then done. 

 

I miss him. I miss his "I love yous." I miss his hand holding mine. I miss his arms hugging me. I miss those simpler times where our love was invincible. Life had to complicate it. 

 

I don't know where we will end up. This unknown is eating me alive. I haven't been sleeping. I've been super distracted and quite frankly...not myself and everyone has noticed. They say happiness is a choice. I know all the motivational/inspirational quotes. I have great support of friends. I know that I can conquer this storm. But why do I still feel sad and lonely? I've honestly debated in looking into taking some anti-depressants. Depression is always something I've struggled with anyway and I've never done anything about it. I was taught growing up that depression is one's own fault and not a true health condition thus making medicines irrelevant. I'm highly questioning that notion now. I'm sort of in this permanent state of sad existence only brought to life by one person. I shouldn't put so much stock into someone...I know this. 

 

I'm trying. That's all I can say. Such a pitiful statement in my mind but there isn't anything else I can do but try. Try to be happy. Try to do the right thing. Try to give the appropriate distance. Try to understand. Try to not mess up. 

 

So basically until things get sorted out, Pink's song will be my anthem. It's a sad, but truthfully raw song which gives a small amount of hope. That's what I'm left to do. Try and hope for the best.